basically it is about security that a 3yo would need. the more she show anger and hit others to get thigns that she wants, might usualy cos she has no security abotu the world. imagine when she was inside of u before she was born, she felt so safe and warm and comfortable but things changed right at the moment she was born so new born are always crying cos they need security, they didnt know where is mama who protected them in the past, so, YOU need to spend some quiet time with her, to build up some trust with her, let her listen to your voice, cos your voice is very important to her as it is the only thing that is still same when she was inside of you. say, one day spend 15-30min with her alone in one room to talk to her, play with her toys, tell her a story, etc. in this, u also need to learn to have patience and to get to know her. you show her your soft voice and normal voice tone and she will love you and your voice.
To do this, both of u get to understand each other better. so next time when she is outside and being naughty again, u scold her and raise your voice, she will notice that mama is different so i will stop cos i dont want mama angry, i only want mama loves me so i need to behave, etc. of cos this is not exactly going to happen, but it will somehow have some effects.
since u have two girls, im afraid u have to spend double effort. cos the elder girl would need more security than this one, from the moment the younger one is born, she felt the attention on her is all gone, when i cry, no one care of me and ask me to be a big sister to stay quiet and behave, but when muimui cry everyone just go to her... what is HER?
this is common psychology that we need to take care of when the 2nd is born, to the 1st one.
i assume u have gone thr this cos 2nd is already 3yo. as such if u r going to do anything to help them, you have to do twice for each of them. do those i said above, plus, tell the 1st one that she is so clever to help u take care of thigns at home and help you to monitor sister, she is so cute and so young and so innocent, can u help me to look after her pls. if she is naughty u let me know but u dont beat her and u help me to teach her please, etc. this will work cos this will help her to build up confident and value her place being big sister that no one can have.
but, to have 2 kids, u have to remember, never compare. to compare is the worse thing to do in raising a kid cos the situation u show in comparison, there is always one is better and one be worse. as such, u and i do not wish to be the worse one, do we? so, dont let anyone be the worse one. it wont help to boast her confident to do better next time, u only make her being more aggressive to fight for thigns that she wants, which she might not really want!? complicated, eh?
another thing to raise a 'perfect' kid, is to teach him not to blame others. eg, when she fell on floor and cried, do you hit the floor and tell her that floor is bad bad make you fell and pain pain.
this is so wrong. cos it is all fault of the floor? this way she feels safe, but does it help to make her stop crying? she cried cos of pain and angry so u ve jsut helped her to feel more pain and more angry with those actions and she learns to be more angry to the world cos the world is bad to her.
in the other way round, instead of kissing her and care about her, we should care about the floor in front of her and ask the floor if it is painful cos she has just fell and sat on you etc... this is a stunting moment for her to see the drama that u played in front of her and immediately u make her understand the whole picture that it is she being careless and fell down and help to notice that she has jsut hurt others without intention. and ask her to go with you to ask for forgiveness from the floor...
i know it is funny thing to do but i found this in a book and i think it is really interesting. so far, momo doesnt cry much when he falls or get hurt, etc. i cant say it is all bcos fo this technique i used on taeching him, maybe he is born being a tough boy, i dont know. but i think it is good to share with other parents. :)
be patient - be well!
it applies very much to our lives too. so parents always grow with kids :)
wish you luck!!
about decisions to be made at home, it is usually me. i guess it is a good way just either one cos even u r baba & mama but it is not easy to be parents cos u ahve diff. points of view. so better choose. for me and Ed, he is usuaully there to make final and big decisions but i make all small decisions, eg, home, kid.
both of you should make time to sit down and talk, if not everyday, at least once a week? first, of cos u need to really look into his life and find out about his sadness first. dont comment on it unless he asks u, if not just stay there for him being a wife to him, someone he feels comfortable to share with. 2nd, tell him about your sadness too. he might not be so "professional" cos men are very stupid :((((( they always give solutions and always make us continue quarrel and quarrel :((( believe me, i know how it feels. so most of the time just give up telling him, right? :) ok until which extend u want to tell him, its ur choice. 3rd, talk about the kids. ask him what does he think, what he wants to do, share about yours too. at last make a decision together - get a conclusion/solution on how do u want to react as their parents and find out a big picture that u want together with him.
