Instructions for Life by The Dalai Lama

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Follow the three R’s: 
-  Respect for self, 
-  Respect for others and 
-  Responsibility for all your actions.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Spend some time alone every day.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

~ The Dalai Lama ~

A weeping little birdy

Dear Diary

My 11-year Pakistani best friend S asked me, what do i envision after the divorce.  I really dont know.  Although I have a physical plan to spend the rest of my life with my parents and family instead of my husband and my child, but emotionally I'll be still empty.  Im not sure if this is a right choice at all.

He is angry and disappointed at me when I announced it to him.  He went through the memory with me by telling me he was there to witness how truly happy I was when I told him I was going to marry my little prince and how this family has been built up steps by steps with his blessings.  At the same time, he blames himself for it is all of his faults for not able to care of me all these years due to his busyness or should have walked me through those stormy days and not able to stop me to proceed in my decision of divorce.  He only get to know this news from me when I declared 'Im gone' & 'Im through with it'.

He didnt expect/accept any of my answers, he merely want to make me think. As ever, he enjoys using set theory to break into many facts and tried to convinced me.  I appreciate all that, but I insist that 'Im gone' and I cant be back anymore.  Nothing is ever same anymore.

**

"When two are in love, they have a little secret place wishes to be forgiven and loved by the lover as a whole set."  

He showed me his and I spent all that I can to show him that I dont mind and I dont care, and I will be with him till we apart.  However, I haven't got a chance to show him mine all along the way.  A little negative signs has stopped me to try sharing more... I end up hiding or he didnt care to find out or it was fate... 

Today when I looked back, I cant do it anymore - I cant hide this little place with me anymore.  I want it t be shared, to be cared for, to be loved by someone who wants and knows how to love me completely.  By given time he has not realized there is such a little place in me that wishes to be found out, forgiven and appreciated...  

Im sorry but to judge that he has no ability to love me/get to know me enough for me to go on living with him.

It is very beautiful picture we have painted for our little family of three.  Each day we start it with plenty of love and countless kisses to each other.  Each night we spend wonderful time together laying on bed in laughters and until our child sleeps soundly.  We are close friends among us three.  I spent the last nine months to try to tear off this beautiful picture in my heart.  I see a cold-hearted mother/wife who does it without regret.  I couldnt believe it myself but each time I tested her, she gives the very same answer.

My mind is cracking into two sides, the white-silvery angel side and the black-red devil side.  

You love them!

You cant live without them!

You love this picture!

You wanted it!

You want this picture more than anything! 

This is much more better/beautiful than you could ever imagine!

You will regret it!

You would wish you didnt have done it.

Even when you come back, it wont be same anymore.

Yes, your hugs and kisses are all real and truthful, but you are not fulfilled.

You are merely "doing your job" because you are a perfectionist.

You wish yourself to be cared for, and to be loved, and they dont! Or at least, not as what you expected.

They are boys! Boys! Boys can forget you relatively easy as you could forget them.

They are better off with their new toys.

You are a meal, you are a nanny, you are a sense of security!

You are a wife, an accomplishment, sex, toy to show the world that he is completed.

**

One day I read a young blogger's romance blog.  She said this is how she will judge who should she stay happily ever after with, by having positive answers for the following questions:

Do I want to see him grow old with wrinkles all over him?

Do I want to see him sick in bed, plus smell of sickness and hospital?

Do I want to be seen by him when Im in this condition?

Do I want to be taken care by him when Im blind/handicapped/urine-incontinence/cancer/AIDS?

My answers are Yes for the first two, I have been doing these all these while by having high level of tolerance with anything came to me.  But for the last two questions, my answers are no.  Im not ready to show him any of my imperfections.  He prefers simple life.  He prefers to settle things instead of sharing things.

I dont know who do I have after Im gone.  I really dont know.  My heart aches badly. I have been good for everyone or anyone I try to be with and this is what I get when Im in need? A feeling of insecure.  How pathetic.

T is great, he is available for himself and for me, that makes him a T. We make a good pair together.  I dont know, maybe we are merely physically fit with condition.  We seem like a husband and wife that we wanted for each other but we had a miss-match with our lawfully half.  And then, to come to here today, it is too late, we are already seriously injured from the previous hope and now we are both emotionally handicapped.  Im better off without hope or expectation. He doesnt want to pick me up himself.  No one ever would take such a responsibility.  No one could, can, want, able to, should.  Am I looking at another trial and future failure now?  Am I getting into another fail experiment?  Do I want to experience that?  No.  No more romance.  All these while, I've been merely asking for a companionship, havent I? So, a company is he going to be.

Many friends around me told me how much they are jealous about my life, or I should say, they admire my lifestyle.  Through out the past years, whenever I fell, Im being cushioned no matter how low I had been to in my life.  And each time Im able to bounce much higher.  Yes they are right.  Maybe Im greedy, maybe Im asking too much.  However, to me, I insist that, all I ever ask for is the very basic need, love.  Love me, love my heart, take care of my heart.  And in exchanged of this little primitive need, I'm willing to give it all up.  Take my jewels, fashion, skin-care, youth, travel trips... take it all away. I dont care.  Today we sold the HFC unit with +40m.  I was an owner for this prestige little unit for 4 years.  So what? Im not happier and Im not having little excited when it came or when it is gone.  So, once again, I'm proven to myself day after day, I want to do this.  Yes I want to do this.

One day, the same group of friends would roll up their eyes big when I announced this to them.  Im a legend, a forever legend for them.  A dumber.  A dreamer. Whatever u want to call it after my back.  You know it, I dont care.

Infinity of love

A weeping little birdy.

I am being blackmailed today.

I am being blackmailed today.  Below this passage is a typed version by my family member, I dont get to see and feel the quality of the paper, with or without company logo.  

Maybe I do have poor memory about my past life before I officially left my home country some 9 years ago, but I seriously couldnt convince myself that I did leave with a debt and trying to shake it off by living in other country.  I thought I left only sweet and good memories, apparently Im not, and Im being questioned of myself every few years.  Old issues surface out every few years.

If not mistaken, i could not have been graded for more than RM3,000 credit for a credit card some 10 years ago. So I had used RM3,000 and now raised to RM20k? This sounds too nonsense to me, but it still worries me because:

1) I cant be 100% sure that I do not have any personal info with this bank, even it was known as a merged bank some 10yrs ago.

2) Although the payment method looks serious, only the bank can accept such a money, but it still looks suspicious=such a big amount I expect I get a formal legal letter, instead of being threadterned for collectors to my parents home.

 

I suspect it is spam due to following reasons:

1) I dont see my personal IC#, it doesnt look formal to me.

2) The contact person do not have a surname

3) Both email address do not look formal to me.

I will verify this address personally in my upcoming trip to KL. Your opinions are very much appreciated.

Thank you!

**


Sxxxxx SOLUTION SDN BHD (590xxx-N)

Date: 11/03/2009

-my full name-
-my home address-


STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL

RE : CREDIT CARD ACCOUNT NO: 06-0101-5-xxxxx-x


We are acting on behalf of Axxxxx (M) BERHAD. Our client states that your account is overdue and you are requested to make payment of RM 19,767.65 as at 31-01-2009 immediately to us. All cheque’s must be mailed to the above in favour of Axxxxx (M) BERHAD (account payee only). Take notice that if payment is not received within 14 days from this date hereof, Axxxxx (M) BERHAD and our Company will take necessary action to recover the total debt due from you. Such action will include collector’s visits both to your house and office, legal action and all such recourse available to them and to us in law. Under the terms and conditions you would be liable for all expenses, costs and disbursements incurred including accumulating interest until full settlement. This matter will be pursued until settlement and will include bankruptcy proceedings s the case may be.

To avoid unnecessary costs and expenses we suggest you contact us immediately with a view to settlement.

Please ignore this notice if payment has been made. Thank you.

Officer in Charge: Ms. Lisa

Contact No: 03-4026xxxx / 019-384xxxx / 013-397xxxx

Facsimile: 03-4023xxxx
E-mail: securxxxxx@yahoo.co.uk


Sxxxxxxxxxx Solution Sdn Bhd
No. xx, Jalan xxx
Off Jalan Pahang Barat
Pekeliling Business Centre
53300 Kuala Lumpur
03-4026 xxxx (General)
03-4023 xxxx (Fax)
secxxxxx@streamyx.com

Black Pepper Maniac 黑胡椒狂人

I am a black pepper maniac.  

I love to have very fresh grounded black pepper on almost everything I have: congee, soup, salad, spaghetti, my favorite penne rigate... I even had to ground some on the Tuna Sandwiches I made last week, even i had a few bites already.

When I was a little girl, I was told in Chinese tradition that pepper could help us to reduce unwanted gas in our digest system.  I guess im over-practice this :P

I guess I have the smug faces whenever I ground my very-own black pepper grinder at home.  But it is not a matter of prestige.  I am probably another childish kid who loves to play with the grinder, enjoy the action, the sound made, and seeing different pieces fall into my bowl and smell the freshness of the pepper.

Being adopting natural consume of food intake and beware of detoxification, somehow I have battles within me for I have been an extreme person in my entire life.  Workaholic, blackpepperholic, alcoholic... I do try my best to stay calm and live in slow pace at most of the time.  

The book Fight Club, by my favorite author Palahniuk stated we are living in this modern era with a kitchen full of condiments instead of fresh food.  So true!  When I first got the chance to set my very own first home as a newly wed, i filled my kitchen with lots of of 'new toys' and I got stabbed by the family, cos they adopt fresh food strategy in life and all they can find in my kitchen were instant drinks, instant foods, frozen food, and my museum of western condiments which they hadnt seen before... 

I know I should have better control off those condiments but no matter what, I cant get it out of my little condiment tray.  I did take a good look at my tray and concluded that I can lost all of them, but not my very own personal black pepper grinder, with black pepper always filled in, of cause.  

So, one day if you want to bring me a little gift, this is it :) 

A little personal note in a small card would be a big plus.

"Things that we owned, end up owning us" by Palahniuk.

I am trying my best to practice a free state of mind for not trying to own anything in my life, not anything materistically.  I guess we somehow try to define who we are, by having the materials in life, which isnt healthy style of living.

你一定還未遇過黑胡椒狂人吧！

我就是了：）我幾乎是無黑胡椒不歡的。當然我最享受是在家裡親自為我自己的食物磨上一些香噴噴的黑胡椒。粥湯沙拉粉面類我都不會嫌多。

我的飲食之道是減少調味料，可是既是我能把其它的多扔掉，黑胡椒是少不了了。我也知道不能過量，也只是心血來潮寫來跟大家聊聊罷了。

我是極端的擁護者。我也身受極端的弊處。身為美容顧問我還是提倡大家一定要多喝水，多蔬果，多五穀類，多睡眠，少肉，少調味料，少咖啡因／酒精。

The Seven-year Period

This typical terms would remind most of us for the movie by this famous flim image, The 7 Year Itch, by M.Monroe.... that we get bored in our marriage and looking for an affair.  NO, I'm not talking about marriage here today.

In western world, there is a paradox about the 7-year circle, that every seven year there are some significant issues happen in our life.  It is said we would have something special in our 7th, 14th, 21st, 28th, 35th, 42th birthdays and so forth.  I find it interesting and try listing out my life here as echo to one of my blogger friends' blog here

Jane@7-year-old

Couldnt remember much about it except I have taken a good photo in this age that I keep till today.

Jane@14-year-old

I was in first formal year of Secondary school and I have made many good friends in this year, which lasted till today.  We share the very same life perspective, art and music. 

And, I moved for the very first time in my life.  There starts my non-stop tragedy of not able to stay in one place for more than 5 years in my life... from 14 till 33 last year.

Jane@21-year-old

I experience the poorest life I had in my life and seen the darkest of one's life.  I was picked up and tried my best to bounce back as much as I could.  Of cos, I did it.

Jane@28-year-old

I had an unpredicted pregnancy, and my child was born the next year.

Two more years to my 5th circle and i will tell you about it in Xmas of 2010 when I would have just passed my 35th birthday.  The best I could predict it has something to do with my marriage.  Of cos, I do wish life is full of surprises :)

Now, please share me about yours :)

冷雨夜 BEYOND 1991演唱会 - 家強

We love the middle part in this concert from minute 3:00-4.49.  I personally obsessed the last part from 4:26 onwards.  You guitarists out there please share your kind thoughts :)

冷雨夜 BEYOND 黄家驹1991演唱会

我去了

我要你為明天歌唱　

我帶著淚珠切切盼望 我去了　

我去了　

明天的花兒一樣香 我去了　

我去了　

明天的太陽一樣光  

我要你為明天歌唱　

我帶著淚珠切切盼望 

分別了　

分別了　

明天的美酒你獨嚐 

分別了　

分別了　

明天的歌曲你獨唱  

為了我們明天難相見　

此恨綿綿問蒼天 把枕邊細語　

一句句記在心田 對明天陽光　

一聲聲引吭向前 明天　

明天　

我們在夢中再相見啊啊啊啊  

我要你為明天歌唱　

我含笑留下這篇詞章 

忘了吧　

忘了吧　

明天不再是哀傷 記住了　

記住了　

明天是充滿了希望

明日之歌
蔡琴 / 不了情

What is available. Is it your available or my available?

I. Am. Available. Tonight. If. You. Need. Me.

SMS if you want to see me online.

I would like to try and be the replacement for the bottle. But it is
all your preference. I'm fine either way. Am just telling I'm
available, is all.

***

Please be available in my blog/comments

Im heartfully available, but physically, i have to watch a movie with him

Sweet. thanks. But u cant be a replacement of the bottle.  u cant get me there. anyway, how sweet of you. thanks, heartfully.

U cant get me the swings, the forgetful, this sweet, this wonderful... try get drunk, then u wont want anyone/anything to replace this....

love ya.

Today I stayed in a children playground with Mo for almost 7 hrs.  Im insane, am I not?  Im crazy.   But, we went for meal for 3 times, toilet 3 times, went back home to pick up toys for 4 times. Anyway, Im just absolutely insane to keep my child in the same park for 7 hrs, am I not?

At 5pm, I sms to Ed and told him about this.  He hated me. Told me to go away. Told me that I should have taken him to some other indoor places to make him learn something instead of staying in this very outdoor place where he can come everyday after school, nearby to where we stay.

I explained to him with the following reason and he stays quiet = is there anyone out to stop staying quiet to Jane please? Tell her that she is wrong please!  But, none of you could ever beat her:

Come, hear me out= this is the why:

Here's the reason:  He loves it.  He gets to play all of his fav. spots which he cant play as long he wished to in the way he wants it in weekdays the 1-hour, in normal weekdays!!  

Today is one of the best day in his life that he didnt have to worry about when is the big brothers were coming to get him out of the merry-go-round, spin as fast they want it to, push him off the slide, kick him out of the basketball stadium, ... and smugger away his toys that he  brought to share with everyone....

Now, tell me am i still a mad mother who stay in a part with her child for 7 hrs in a day?  Im only trying to stay him in creative mind from my daily ridig education/demands.

Im drunk by all means, but im not drunk at all right this moment in my life cos i wont regret this very moment... do you? 

醉

喝醉了有什麼不好的嗎？

我找不到有什麼不好的原因，因為每當我醉了：身邊的人（網上／身邊的）:

 終於肯聽我說話了

=他們都趁我看來醉了的時候問了我好多好多平日不敢問我的問題；

我也持酒賣單純，答了他們要聽的話＝當然都是我想“答”的話＝

天呀！什麼時候人們才能真心想對呢？

您也太封閉了罷？醉＝一定就是負面的麼？

讓我去罷。

你是知道的，我根本醉不了。

LET ME GO.

Is there any particular reason when you told me to say sober?

Why must I? Why should I? CHILL OUT!!! Are you sure it is ALL GOOD for me when you told me to do so?  Well, why dont you just stay relaxed and come get drunken with me!  It is all great here.  U would worry at least 50% less than usual, and you would feel happy easiER than usual! It is all great experience here. Come join me. :)  Love you.

... at least, Im able to publish a blog entry without regret here: would you be able to do so?

你有想過嗎？

Q1.  What do you work for? Salary? Killing time? Job satisfaction? Because everyone does, so I should?

你工作是為了什麼呢？薪水？消磨時間？工作的滿足感？因為每個人都這樣，所以我也需要這樣？

Q2.  Seriously, if not for money, would you work?

說真的，如果不是為了錢，

你還會去工作嗎？

Now most of you had told me about your future plan is to wait for retirement.  

Working is to save as much as possible and go traveling around the world, Enjoy life, Reading, etc.  

好了。每個人都告訴我說，今天明天的目的，就是等退休。５５歲。還有一大截呢。現在還是埋頭苦幹去吧！退休後就環遊世界去。看書去。享活去。享兒孫福去。

Q3.  I will pick 'Travel' as example cos this is the highest answers I have gathered.  Imagine you are retired today.  No worries of

money.  

就那最多人選的“環遊世界”來說吧。請幻想你今天已經退休了。無金錢憂慮的日子。

Where would you like to go traveling to?  

你想到哪遊玩去？

What would you do in the trip?  

你在旅遊時會怎樣去享受此旅程？

Who would you take with you?  

If your spouse isnt available, would you mind going alone?  

你希望誰跟你在一起？如果先生／太太不能同行的話，你會一個人去嗎？

Would you be physically fit to enjoy the journey?

你的身體狀況能耐的住嗎？

Would you have the peace of mind to study the places before traveling? 

If you dont do this, why would you go traveling in the first place if you dont appreciate the art and culture of the place?  Just because everyone go there so I should?

年邁的你能有閒情打開書本學習旅行知識嗎？如果不學的話，難道只為了看看外國的月亮是否特別圓嗎？還是只是因為每個人都去過了所以我也要去？

我知道你看到這裡就想要揍我了。你一定想說我天天在家太空閒想太多了，還寫出來給你制造麻煩。我只是看不過眼每個人都把今天該作的事通通推到明天去。沒珍惜時間`身體`人。我不介意你想揍我，只是我已經看不到我的人生意義何在了。

Q4.  Imagine you have accomplished EVERYTHING now.  Would you mind to leave this world now?  Would you leave with a smile? Welcome this day to come as joyous as you

 welcome other happiness in life?

如果你已經把此生一直想要完成的事多做完了。那，你是否就願意面對死亡呢？能開心的面對嗎？

Q5.  What if you have accomplished all of these when you are only 33 years old? :)  

"Now, whats next? Daddy."

如果以上４題都回答了，請寫電郵給我。

Why Do Age Old Problems Remain?

Why Do Age Old Problems Remain?

ne of the biggest problems with life in this developed world is the quick—fix mentality.

• Stressed out? Take a nap.
• Feeling down? Pop a prozac pill.
• Lost a Relationship? See a therapist or drown your sorrows with some drink.
• Suffering from Anger? Take another pill.
• Gaining weight? Try the diet fad of the month.
• Seeking Spirituality? Read this 1,000+ year old religious book and you’ll be saved.

Let me tell you—there are no quick fixes.

At least not at the conscious level.

But fortunately, the Human Mind has Multiple Levels.

Most of the solutions attempt to solve the problem on the surface level. They completely ignore the underlying problem.

Solving the symptom and not the problem is a lousy way to go about self-improvement.

Everyone has the same innate abilities to get in touch with their spiritual self (perhaps you already sense this) but just don’t know how to get started. It’s so simple, really. In fact… if you had the right teacher, you could get a jumpstart with your own abilities.

What Is Possible

Imagine for a moment—if you could tap into your inner mind to directly pull out solutions to your deepest set problems.

Lost in religion? Imagine if you could feel a constant connectedness to God and discard the dogma and religion feeds you.

Gaining weight? Imagine if you could avoid the fad diets—but see yourself lose weight because your mindset has changed. You feel hungry and full at the right times; your metabolic rate stays up.

Depressed? Imagine if you could instantly understand the source of your depression and then reprogram your mind to pull you out.

Missing your goals? Imagine if you could create coincidences with your mind—just like the many masters who have walked the world can.

Unhealthy? Imagine if you could automatically induce the placebo effect to speed up your body’s natural rate of healing.

Now Imagine If…

You had the knowledge. Imagine if you’d spent the world studying various mental disciplines—and had attained a degree of self-mastery where you can tap into your inner power to help you resolve life’s most urgent problem.

How would your family benefit? Whom would you influence? What would you seek to change about this world? How will you be remembered when you pass on? Who will you teach?

Or the biggest question of all.

How would you leave your mark on humanity?

Out of Track... is out.

Hi guys

This is the owner of this blog, Out of Track, or Jane.

I have decided to delete this blog in coming weeks in order to stop wasting everyone's time.  

Without any updates, it has hit more than 5000 visits within 5 months last year and constantly competing with some other 7000+ blogs and remain not fall below the 1900 in the rank.

And I get visitors from all over the world, ....for nothing.

It has been a great experience to me in the past 8 months to 'manage' this blog (although not much personal entries) by experiences what I have with you.  As 'no regret' as my first life principle, I would really like to let you know it has been all great memory to have you with me all these while.  I hope you will continue having interest to get to know me.  All of your comments to my blog entries have been very valuable to me, no matter they are good or bad comments or long in paragraphs or short as :-), I appreciate them all.  And I love you guys a lot more than you can imagine :))

The original idea of this blog was to share my news as well as to introduce blogging as a habit to everyone who cares of me a lot back in my hometown, Sandakan.  The target readers arent active as I thou I could help them with, and it effects my sharing as well.   I have been trying to figure out some other ways to achieve the same thing and here comes a solution for myself, to share in person.  I guess it echo to a book I read some months ago about our actions shows who we are.  Apparently the need of seeing/spending time with everyone I love in my hometown has been greater each day and I finally cant stand of it anymore and came out with this solution, for going back home to visit them as much/soon as I could.  Therefore this blog is no longer necessary.

For my new batch of readers/new friends who has been keeping up with this blog for getting to know me, I sincerely thank you for your kind thoughts and Im sure we can get along pretty well in some other forms, eg, via emails/facebooking.  Im sorry for I might have disappointed some of the English readers as I have not been able to fulfill the promise of more English posts.

I sincerely thank you for all of your time to read/link up this blog to yours, and your care and love.  

Thank you for reading up to this, the last para... here's a small tiny reward for you, since you look like u truly want to get to know Jane:

Im sharing more of my own personal feelings in another blog with some private readers should you are interested to get to know the absolute genuine Jane please feel free to let me know and I shall invite you there.

As ever with infinity of love

Jane

Edit

Choose to do ONE chore in your entire life, what will it be? 10:52am

Answer this and you will get an answer reflects your subconscious. 

1) wash dishes 
2) mop the floor 
3) cooking 
4) throw away the rubbish

心理测验
如果一辈子只能做一见家务，你会选择 
(1）洗碗
(2）拖地
(3）做饭 
(4）倒垃圾

The big wind blows.....“大風吹，吹走有小雞雞的人！”

“大風吹，吹走有小雞雞的人！”

“大風吹，吹走有牙肉的人！”

“大風吹，吹走有今天有大便過的人！”

：）

The big wind blows away everyone who has... a little dick!!

- cousin sis was blushed cos she would have lost her place

The big wind blows away everyone who has... a gum!!

-everyone laughed instead of start moving

The big wind blows away everyone who has... shit this morning!!

-no one moves! God! U guys got motion issues??!?!

:DDD